June 26, 2011
Seventeen days until departure to Los Angeles. I can't help but think of a book I've read twice now. The book is called 'Best Friends' by Martha Moody. The book is about two girls who meet in college and end up going through a hard life as best friends. One girl is from California, the other, from Ohio. The idea that I'm flying to California reminds me of all the trips Clare (Ohio) made out to see Sally (CA). I sort of feel like a movie star. Or perhaps a real fashion designer. It makes me nervous to think about selling on Venice Beach. I know that if it's God's will, things will turn out well...or at least exactly how He wants them to. I look forward to the drive back. Seeing many states I have never ventured before. I think this trip is going to be very emotional as well as spiritual. I pray God pulls me to Him and helps me to appreciate His beautiful creation.
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July 7, 2011
It has been 5 years since Gram's passing. It's hard not to miss her. I'm grateful for wonderful memories though.
The trip across country is rapidly approaching! Just 6 days away until I leave! I'm nervous but mostly excited. It will be very interesting. I'm currently at Grass Lake on the porch. The certain time of day is approaching and I can feel the butterflies awaken in my stomach. I'm not sure why I get this feeling almost every day. Especially when I'm alone. I'm scared, or lonely, or just plain sad. I've started thinking that something is very wrong with me. My anxiety level was through the roof this past week. I got to the point of feeling ill and crying just because my mom wouldn't give me information that I wanted. Perhaps I'm some sort of bipolar. I have the worst guilty conscious of anyone I know. I hope this trip will clear some things up for me. I hope I don't end up never wanting to leave. There are just so many things I am uncertain of.
Why am I so easy to leave behind or forget about?
Am I not special enough to love?
What am I really searching for?
Who am I searching for?
I need this trip. I hope it doesn't end too quickly though....
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July 8, 2011
How does one claim they want to marry me but then go back on his feeling? This is something I don't understand. I would have dropped everything for him. I'm just not worthy of love I guess. That's how I get feeling at least.
Ahhh, this is depressing. On a different note, I set my tent up for the French Festival! It seems promising! I really hope I can do well. I need to make at least double the booth space and it would be amazing to triple that. California sun is getting closer. I can almost feel it.
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