Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Return of Winter Blues

I know this life is supposed to be full of fun and adventure but lately it falls short.

I don't exactly know what I'm doing, where I'm going...Occasionally an idea will stick in my head about the next step but then, sadly, it fails. Or I fail, I don't know...

With Christmas coming I know I should be excited and yet I feel so lonely. Wondering, will I one day, ever, spend a Christmas with someone really special? It seems hopeless and I just want to get away.
I really do find it so hard to believe that a man can look at a woman and think "there's no one else in the world I want to be with." Is that really possible anymore? Why does it seem so unlikely?

I miss the days of traveling across the country. Seeing the glorious landscapes and feeling a new breeze in my hair. The fresh scents of the open spaces in Wyoming and the laid back, loving friendliness of the folks in South Dakota. It's amazing how different things are here in New York. No one wants a thing to do with you, at least that's how it feels sometimes.

I miss being in a place where no one knows me and I can be just who I want to be without someone thinking I'm crazy or 'different.' I know that all places have ups and downs but perhaps the downs wouldn't be so bad if I was somewhere new and different. I've thought that in the past though and running away never changed anything. I am still stuck in the emotions inside my head.

I miss the freedom that Grayson Highlands made me feel last Summer. If only I could bring myself to go back there.

I just hope this Winter won't feel too cold and lonesome.