Monday, October 26, 2015

Changing Seasons.

Some time has passed since my last post and another new season of life has come. It's one that is harder to welcome than I expected it to be.

Over the past 3 and a half years I have been serving a dear woman as one of her caregivers. I saw her a couple times every week and spent time doing various tasks regarding her personal care and the care of her home.

It was never just a "job" to me. I had the incredible opportunity to get to know someone who has been through more than I will ever be able to imagine. She taught me so much about love and compassion, and so much more. The loss of this dear woman has truly felt like the loss of part of my heart.

It's been hard to comprehend and explain, but I really didn't expect to be so grieved by her passing. I knew it would be hard but I never imagined I would be paralyzed with grief in the way I have been over the last few days. At first I believed I would be strong; that because we knew this was coming it would be easier to accept, but that was far from the truth.

Growing up I can remember wondering why my Mom was in this line of work. It always seemed odd to me that she wanted to be at a job in which the reason for the loss of that job was caused by the loss of a person.

My perspective changed dramatically as I got to know and care for my dear lady.
The pain I feel due to her loss is very deep but I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything.
Some people may think it strange that her death has affected me so much since she wasn't blood family but like I said earlier, it's hard to explain why it's been so hard on me. And besides, I was just as close to her as I am to blood family and probably even closer than that.

However, there is much to be thankful for!

She saw me go through many hardships over the years that I knew her and she always expressed how she was praying for me. When I informed her that God had sent me the man I was going to marry she expressed such excitement and proclaimed again that she had been praying for me. What a joy it was that she was able to be a part of my wedding and to see the fulfillment of her prayers. (I find it funny that she was inwardly so concerned about that part of my life but her prayers were special nonetheless).
We had many laughs together and a favorite story of hers was when a bat got in her house. She couldn't find it and so when I arrived I searched the house, finally discovering it in her bedroom under some medical equipment. I got a towel, picked it up, and put it outside. It was alive but fast asleep. We talked about that story over and over again and she always got a big laugh out of it.
I also remember the times my mom and I would bring her to get ice cream and how much she loved the outing. She would always be dressed up lipstick and all, waiting for us by the door when we would arrive to pick her up.
One evening around Christmas time we went to look at Christmas lights in Utica. Again, she was excited to go on an outing and we even got pizza afterwards which she loved! She never really had any dietary restrictions and would always have to have dessert! Usually one 'Chips Ahoy' crunchy cookie. Those cookies will probably always remind me of her from now on.

I could tell story after story of our time together and as I reflect on all the years with her, I feel sadness but also peace. I know that I was used by God in her life to bring comfort and happiness to a woman whom loved life and loved spending time with people she cared about most.
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Now that she is gone I am forced into a new season of life. With a husband who works full time, carrying the weight of our finances, I don't necessarily need to search for another way to provide income. I got used to having a busy week and looked forward to the places I had to go, but things are different now. There are plenty of various opportunities out there, I know, but for right now I'm processing through this new life.

I know that God is continuing to work things out and I can have hope for whatever this new season will bring.

Alex has been good to me too. Though it was hard for him at first to know what to do, which is pretty normal for anyone put in such a position, God really moved in him to be there for me when I needed him most. I praise God for bringing me such a faithful, compassionate and thoughtful man who has proven to me that the vows he made on our wedding day weren't just words, but that he fully intends to keep them. He's not perfect, but with Christ living inside him, he has been empowered to be obedient to the calling God has for a husband to lay down his life for his bride. It is the greatest blessing to be able to serve and submit to such a man whom sacrificed so much over the weekend to be by my side as I grieved the loss of my dear Elma.
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I am looking forward to whatever it is that God has for us now and even though it's not easy and my heart is still broken and heavy, I know God is with me guiding me through and I can rest completely in His mighty arms knowing that He sees me, understands my pain, and will not leave me. Ever.





To God be the Glory

-Mrs. Kuhl-