In Love

This past week was pretty amazing. Not only did I get to go South for a week but I also had the opportunity to get to know three super great ladies really well and experience the mighty work God is doing through Mercy Ministries in Monroe, LA.

Not to mention that we left on October 22. My one year anniversary of singleness. I told you that I would share a bit of what happened this week, so I'm going to! I am going to write down exactly how I did in my journal so you can get a bit of insight on my week.

__________________________________________

10/22/14

Hallelujah, the Victory.

"Walls Fall Down" Bible App Plan.
'The Perfect Number'
....God told the Israelites to walk around the walls of Jericho for seven days led by seven priests. On the seventh day, they were to march around the walls seven times. God promised that at the end of their seventh circuit around Jericho on the seventh day, the walls would collapse. The Israelites believed in the Lord's greatness and His plan for victory...Seven was the number God gave to Israel, but He may have a different number or timeframe for you...rest assured that the Lord knows your number. In His sovereignty, He knows the precise time your victory is coming.

[Psalm 139:16] -   

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

....your job is to have faith. Don't compare your journey to anyone else's, but know the Lord is preparing you for victory by shaping you in difficult times...

[Hebrews 12:1-3] -
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

...Christ is our supreme example that there is hope even during our trials and great reward awaiting us.
During your walk around the walls of your personal Jericho, you may experience pain and uncertainty. But if you are faithful and follow God's plan, you will see the walls fall down in God's perfect timing. And just as the Israelites shouted and sounded the trumpets at the end of their journey, you too will celebrate your victory. That very moment is worth all the pain and strife that preceded it.
God's power and His love for you are greater than any obstacle you may be facing today. Trust in the unfailing character of the Lord. Follow His plan, and see the walls fall down.

Christ is enough for me!
I never knew what real love was
until I finally let You in.
You have cleansed my heart
You have washed my soul.
Your unending love overwhelms me.
All the years I ran from You,
the other lovers I allowed in.
O, Lord You've forgiven me.
You have make me clean.
You have made me new.
Your love for me was all I ever needed.
The things this world offers are all so empty.
You Alone satisfy.
You have make me new.
You brought me out of darkness
Into Your marvelous Light.
My God, my God You are Almighty.
My Abba, my Prince.
You Alone satisfy.
I never knew, I never knew.
Now I have seen that You are good.
You are faithful, over and over.
You have proven You are trustworthy.
Never looking back, never going back.
In Your Arms, the only place I belong.
Your Love is enough, all I need.
My Prince, my Jesus, my King.
_________________________________________

I am so joyfully in love with the Prince of my heart. He has swept me off my feet and shown me real love.

So as the 22 came to a close, I realized that even though the commitment of one year has ended, the commitment of following Jesus and being set apart for Him remains. I won't be ready for my future husband until Jesus tells me I'm ready.

"Christ is my reward, and all of my devotion now there's nothing in this world that could ever satisfy...Christ is enough for me..Everything I need is in You."


-Brit

Set Apart for my King

Jesus Christ is enough.

It's not Jesus plus a husband.
It's not Jesus plus kids.
It's not Jesus plus friends.

Jesus Christ Himself is enough. Just Him.

Listening to a message by Leslie Ludy - It's amazing how on target her life and what she is saying about womanhood and following Christ parallels my own life. As I'm sure it does many other women.

But as October 22 approaches I am excited about what the next step of my life will be.

I haven't always done things during this time as I planned to, but I know that God is using this time to teach me many things.

I've stumbled, I've fallen flat on my face, I've cried, I've yelled at God, I've doubted His plans, I've wanted to give up, I've wanted to run away completely and hide. But ya know what, God has been with me the entire time. He never left me and His grace abounds even more in my life. He has walked me through times when I cried my eyes out and sat empty in my room alone wondering if this commitment was completely worthless.

It hasn't been at all easy and as God gently pulled out many deep roots of brokenness in my heart I flinched but knew that it was exactly what I needed.

There's a long road ahead, this I know, but I know that God is with me and has been not only for this year but also for my whole life.

I will be away on the 22 but I will surely write in my journal and bring it back to you here online.

Much more to come in this great adventure as a Christ follower.

Psalm 73:25 -

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.

Jesus is my desire and my treasure. The greatest treasure in existence.

"You know much better than I
and if destruction is what I need
then I'll receive it Lord from Thee..
..I'm only Yours now....
It's Your eye in the storm watching over me,
It's Your eye in the storm wanting only good for me."

-Brit

Stepping in Trust, Embracing Community

September 22 has come and gone. I had intention of posting on that day but alas, it did not happen. You should all know by now that the 22 is a significant day for me and September 22 was 11 months of my promise to God that I would be single for a whole year. I can't believe that it's been 11 months! It has flown by so fast! And yet when you're in the middle of it all it feels like the process will never be over!

I have learned so many wonderful and very hard lessons this year. Most of which had to do with relationships and love. God has been gracious to me to show me the right way to do things but it hasn't been easy to recognize the right way all the time.
When Jesus came to earth He challenged us to think differently, not to just do things differently on the outside but to renew our minds on the inside! Do you know how hard that is?! Every day, if I begin to have an attitude that I shouldn't, or think something that I shouldn't I have to bring it to the Cross and ask God to help keep that thought captive!

2 Corinthians 10:5 -
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Through this process I have heard advice and received counsel from many trusted people in my life and yet I will still make my own decisions about things and I have to be listening to God first and foremost.

There have been some tough decisions that needed to be made recently but I know who God is, I know He is faithful, I know He loves me, forgives me, and has my best interest in mind. Therefore, I know I can release it all to Him and trust that He's got it under control.

It's not always easy to just let it all go but when you know without a doubt in your mind that God is faithful and loves you it's a bit easier to trust Him with everything....He will never let you down! Of course it's hard to wait, the process is rarely easy, but God is doing something great, even if we don't know what that looks like. He leads us with a lamp unto our feet, not stadium lights or a spot light.

Psalm 119:105 -
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

Many times all that can be seen is a enough light to take the next step. We may not know the end result, God often keeps that to Himself because we need to learn to trust Him more fully through the process. We need to learn to trust Him to show us the next step even if we don't know what the outcome will be.

It's certainly not easy but I'm experiencing His grace and love in the process. He has been using a huge community of wonderful sisters and brothers in Christ to help me keep marching on.

A year ago I didn't know any of these people but I can't say enough about them.

I've had some friends in the past and one that I was very close with but it wasn't like this. Of course I'm in a different place than I used to be (only by the grace of God). Every time I see these folks it's like a reunion of your closest family members. Having faith in Jesus Christ is what connects us and what a wonderful blessing that is.
It's hard to explain the love I feel towards them and the love I receive back. All I know is that I finally, truly believe that if I'm not able to make it to a get together, I'm genuinely missed. I suppose it all goes back to being a part of the body of Christ. I'm not sure what part I am but I know that as a part of this body, when I'm not there, the body misses me. I say this with confidence and maybe it sounds prideful, like I'm something special to my family of friends....but frankly, I know that I am! Not because of what I, myself, bring to the table, but because of what God does through me. It is not I, but Christ in me.

Romans 12:4-5 -
 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,  so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

Galatians 2:20 -

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I just never knew what a loving community was like. With Christ as the center of all of us we can help each other grow and love each other in the process.
Seeing what God has done in my life so far this year, brings so much peace to my soul. And though it's not always easy, I know I have a Mighty King who is fighting for me and a community of sisters and brothers who are there for me and love me through it all.

Praise Jesus Christ, our God and King forever!

"Once my light was fading, but You gave me Yours...I can breathe for the first time, I can see for the first time....And I've never run so far I've never felt so strong, when I am where You are, I found where I belong. For the first time."


-Brit

Celebration

Greetings.

If you are following along with me during this thing called life, you may remember that the 22nd of each month is significant for me.
The 22nd of October represents the day that I committed myself to one year of singleness with the Lord. On August 22, I celebrated 10 months of singleness.

I had planned on writing a post on that day but never got a chance to which, as it turns out, I needed to have a conversation about what was going on in my heart instead.

However, I would like to write out a little bit about what I was reflecting upon that day and the process I went through in a 24 hour period. Perhaps I want to write about it just in order to remember that day and to have this post to look back on in a few years.

First of all, it has come to my attention that most people in my life have been single most, if not all of their lives. Which is great because they've been protected from so many painful things that I know comes with being in unhealthy relationships. So to most people the whole year of singleness thing....well they don't truly understand how huge it is for me. For many others, being single is something that has not only been easy for them but they don't want to be single. Because of that there have been few people that I can talk to that truly understand the significance of this. Don't get me wrong, they celebrate with me, and encourage me, but many still don't really understand the depth of the commitment and why it's such a big deal.

I admit, if any of you know me, I have been getting to know someone on a friendship level but I know there were questions about whether or not there was something more going on. So I'd like to briefly address that situation and just say that nothing more than getting to know someone as a friend with the potential for more has been going on. To a lot of people that means that you still spend time alone with one another and may or may not be involved physically. But that isn't at all the case in my life. This person and I have discussed things, invited others in for counsel, and kept strict boundaries on every area of life.
I bring this up partially to protect the vow of singleness between God and I, and also so no more questions or assumptions are made concerning my life. Not only that, I also want to encourage anyone that has been questioning me, etc. to talk to me directly. I tend to be a very open and honest person and am not trying to hide anything from anyone. Believe me, I've tried that kind of life and it's way too much work. If anyone wants to know anything, ask.

Moving on, so on August 22, I started the day with joy and excitement about what God is doing currently and what else He is going to do in the future.
Then, as I started to reflect on the person I used to be and what He has done in my life, I got very emotional and cried. I can't stress enough how different it is for me to be single, and contently single at that. If you've been reading any of these posts or if you know me at all, you'll know that my life was always one relationship after another. When I was broken up with, I just found someone else, whether it was via the internet or some other way. I see this pattern SO often in our world now which breaks my heart, but I won't get into that right now.

Anyway, as I started to remember what I used to be and what God has done in me in 10 months....I couldn't help but cry and thank Him. There are so many things in my heart that can't even be put into words. Realizations of His protection and His faithfulness. The knowledge that He was with me during every broken time in my life and when I was deliberately sinning against Him. When I pushed Him in the corner and went my own way....and all the while He was waiting for me to reach out to Him and call Him back into my life. That's the thing about God, He doesn't force His way into our lives, He gives us a choice. We can either push Him away and live our own way which ends in loneliness, misery, shame, and destruction. Or we can surrender to Him and allow His love to fill our souls with joy, peace, fulfillment and life. He waits for us to invite Him in. I was always afraid to, afraid He couldn't love me after all that I had done. I was afraid that He wouldn't be enough, that if I wasn't in an earthly relationship, I would feel lonely and unloved.

What an incredibly huge lie I believed.

These last 10 months haven't been easy but they have been the most alive that I have ever felt.
The healing God has brought me is almost indescribable. He has teaching me what real love is. He is showing me that real love is sacrifice and when both people are willing to sacrifice, to lay down one's life and be willing to choose to stay even when times are hard, that's when true love shines through.
You see, love isn't a fuzzy feeling, it's not when your heart jumps when you think of someone. Love, true love, proves itself when you are broken and shattered, when times are hard, you have nothing to give, and you feel like running away but you don't, and they don't. And you walk through the storm together, leaning on the Lord together.

I never really understood what love meant, I thought that when someone told me that they loved me then that was love. But in reality those words meant, "I'll keep you around if you're exactly how I want you to be and if you give me what I want. Otherwise I'm moving on to someone else." And I had the same attitude. I grew so used to that type of view on love that I assumed that that's what human love was. I want to believe that I thought about God differently but I know this thinking had an effect on my view of God as well.

Now, though, since all the awesome things that God has done, I can celebrate with such joy knowing I never have to go back to that. The old me is dead. Christ has made me new.

I only have 2 months left in this vow and I know God can and will do mighty things and I am so excited!
In the future, I am sure that I will go into a lot more detail about this whole process and I hope and pray that God will use it to touch the lives of others and help someone through a difficult season of life.

I praise my Father in Heaven for all the wonderful things He has done!

"I am learning to run freely understanding just how He sees me and it makes me love Him more and more."


Brit

Radio Voice

So many exciting things have been going on. All because of God, there's no doubt about that!

He has brought an opportunity for me to talk a lot. On the radio. For anyone to hear.

WHAT? I seriously don't know how this happened. Of course the only explanation is God alone. I was approached in April by Heidi Hanes, I believe one of the founders of this local radio station, and she did a short interview with me. I shared a little bit about my testimony and she put that on the air! For some reason, she thought that I would be an asset to the station and well, long story short, I now have a radio show called "Growing Together." Last night I was live on the air for the first time. It was so exciting even though I really don't know what we talked about!

It is, of course just a small radio station with not a ton of power but God can absolutely use it for His glory and to bring people closer to Him. That is my prayer for the show He brought my way, that whatever we talk about and whatever He puts on my heart to share, that it will bring Him glory and touch the lives of those listening. I also get to choose different music to play so that's pretty exciting too. Last night we played some Phil Wickham, of course!

Anyway, I just wanted to write a short post about that just in case anyone wants to tune in. Locally you can hear it by turning your radio dial to 106.1 FM WGLU-LP. You are also able to stream it online. Click here to check out the website and listen!

The show I will be hosting, again, called "Growing Together" will be Tuesday and Thursday from 8:30-9:30 PM and Saturday 1:00-2:00 PM.

I hope you tune in and also get connected to the station on facebook!

"Everyone will shout, Jesus Christ is King!"

-Brit

Doubt and Trust

Sometimes we encounter really difficult situations in life and we have to make choices about how to respond to them.

First I'd like to mention that today is my 9 months 'monthiversary' of being single. It's been an interesting ride these past few weeks. Some doubts about God's plan for me has crept in and yet He is always trustworthy and I know He has His best plan in mind.

Before I finally bowed my knee to Christ and truly surrendered everything to Him, I was stuck in the same pattern of bad relationship after bad relationship. The series of unhealthy, heart breaking relationships lasted for at least 10 years. Maybe a decade doesn't seem long to you but to me it felt like a lifetime. Within that decade of time everything I was got torn apart. My heart became so numb to any sort of feeling that I grew to believe that the pattern of broken relationships was all my life would ever be, and I convinced myself I was okay with that. I convinced myself that it was normal and there could be no other way.

If you've been reading any of my post from this past year you will know that God has changed all that in me. He has shown me a better way and proved that a person can, indeed, change. The change He made in me is so drastically different from the person I used to be it's hard to even imagine myself ever living in the way that I did. Which is what I have come to recognize is the proof that only Christ can change a person so drastically (try all you want on your own strength, it won't work, we're created to be completely dependent on God). What a relief that is because I'm pretty weak and in no way shape or form would I have or anyone else for that matter been able to change my heart's desires and lifestyle the way God has.

Okay, getting to the real purpose of this post:
Doubt and trust.

Did you know that it's OK and even normal to have moments of doubts in your Christian walk?
We as humans struggle with wondering what God's plan is for us - where are we supposed to work? Who are we supposed to marry? Where should I live? - The list goes on.
In recent history I've been doubting a few things. Not doubts of whether or not God loves me or even has a plan, but specifically doubts about which path to take and if it's been God's voice that I've been hearing or if somehow I've been doing things on my own, or worse yet, am I listening to the voice of the enemy? Is that possible? Do I not know the sound of my Master's voice? Am I a, um, not so smart sheep who doesn't know the sound of my Shepherd's voice?

I've been thinking and talking with some people close to me and I wonder if perhaps my old way of thinking is creeping in. I say that because the main thoughts in my head are ones of earthly matters, not eternal. I'm being selfish and prideful and expecting God to bend to my wishes because I'm convinced that I know better than Him.
It's kind of sad really because deep down I know that I don't know better than Him. He has what's best in mind for me because He loves me so much and wants to give me good things.
I know these things, and yet I still struggle with wondering what He is doing and if I will ever know! Or how long will it take to know? Why must I wait? What are you doing in me that needs so much time to figure out?

Then I'm brought back to reality.....(my dear Mother pointed this out)..."there are 10 years worth of brokenness in your heart and it's been 9 months since you made your promise." OHHH right, that makes sense to me...there's a lot of junk that needs to be dealt with. Ten years worth. Can God restore me overnight or in a few months? Yes, He can. But He's not and that's OK.
Truthfully, if He brought to the surface all the deep hurts in my heart from all those years my frail human frame would probably burst at the seams and I'd be constantly dehydrated from all the tears cried.
Throughout these months God has been gently bringing hurts to my mind and healing me slowly. Sure, the process is kind of frustrating and at times I think I could handle more but then I breakdown and don't want any more! Oh, how frail we are. However, I'd rather be frail and fall into my Savior's arms knowing I am safe and that He has my entire life in His hands. I've lived the life of pretending to have it all together and not inviting Christ to help me, it's a miserable, desperate, sad, and tiresome one.

Doubt still creeps in though, and I find myself crying out to God and asking Him what He's doing and where I'm being lead to. Wondering if I've missed a step in the process or gone backwards and have to start all over again.
Is one year enough time for God to heal every layer from every year that I walked away from Him? I want to believe the answer to be 'yes' but I can't be sure.
He has done an incredible amount in me in the last 9 months but with only 3 left can He really restore me fully? There is still a fear of commitment in my heart. Then the thoughts that my life will always be an endless pattern of failed relationships creeps its head in. After all it was like that for 10 years. I know, I know, those negative thoughts are lies. They are lies that the enemy is attempting to use in order to toss me into a pit of worthlessness and yet another broken heart.

My doubts may not go away today or tomorrow but I am comforted to know that even in those doubts God is faithful and I know I can trust Him.

2 Corinthians 4:16 says - Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

The commentary in my NIV study Bible says:

It is easy to lose heart and quit. (Truth!) We all have faced problems in our relationships or in our work that have caused us to want to think about laying down the tools and walking away. Rather than giving up when persecution wore him down, Paul concentrated on experiencing the inner strength from the Holy Spirit. Don't let fatigue, pain, or criticism force you off the job. Renew your commitment to serving Christ. Don't forsake your eternal reward because of the intensity of today's pain. Your very weakness allows the resurrection power of Christ to strengthen you moment by moment.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 - For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Well, that's a relief, this current struggle won't last forever AND it has eternal value. Praise God!

So, I know that even in moments or seasons of doubt (1) God is still good, (2) God is still faithful, (3) He hasn't forgotten me, and (4) He still has a plan. The BEST plan in mind for me.

"We must realize and embrace the truth that God genuinely wants what is best for us, and doubt attempts to lead us away from God's best."

This I know: I can trust my King. Always and forever. Just let God, be God. He's got this.

"Be still my soul and rest
Humbly I confess
In my weakness
Your strength is perfect

For You alone are God
There will be no other
And You have won my heart
More than any other
So I will give it all
'Cause You gave it all for me"

-Brit

Finding Meaning

God has been showing me so many things these last few months.
He has been moving so much in my life and in the lives of many people I care a lot about.

My heart is burdened, however, for so many of those that have yet to come to the knowledge of how good our God is.

If I were to choose one thing to write about right now I think it would be the issue of all of the new age ideas of what life is all about.

Every other idea/religion/philosophy except for that of the truth of Jesus Christ and Him crucified for our sins says that if you work harder, be nicer, do good deeds, be a better person, etc. you will have a better life now and in the next life. If the belief of a next life exists.

The beauty of Biblical Christianity is that once you repent of (turn away from) your sins and put your trust in Jesus by allowing Him to take over your life, you no longer have to try to be a better person or do good things. Once you allow God to work in your heart, your desires will change and because of that you will want to do nice things and love people better, but you aren't "trying" to do it on your own strength. When you give your life to Christ, the Holy Spirit empowers you to love differently by His strength through you. There's much about this that is hard to explain, there is a wisdom that God gives you once you come to know Him.

Without Christ, life is a pattern of searching and seeking happiness and belonging. You may have nice things and you may even have many moments of happiness in your life, but at the end of the day can you honestly look into your heart and say that you are experiencing true joy in your life. A joy that surpasses all understanding, that no matter what happens, you have hope that things will work out?
It's easy to say yes, trying to convince yourself that this is true for yourself but the truth is, no matter if you accept it or not, if you don't have Christ and are not walking with Him and allowing Him to work in your life, you ultimately will be wandering through life searching for belonging yet never finding it. You have no power to stop doing things that you know you shouldn't do. You don't have to ability to "try harder next time" or "do things differently." You will easily fall back into the same mistakes you've always made.

I don't say this as someone who doesn't know what she's talking about because "I don't know your situation." While, you're right, there are aspects of your life I may not understand but this much I do know, because I've experienced it. If God is not in your life nothing makes sense and life is a constant struggle to be loved and a constant search for belonging. I always thought I could do things differently and not make the same mistake twice but my sinful nature always took over my thinking. I gave in because I didn't know how to get out of it. I gave in because I assumed nothing could ever change and that I would have to hide behind so many lies and pretend to be happy. I thought my life would always be a pattern of unhealthy relationships that didn't last any more than 6, maybe 8 months. I never thought a good man, first of all, existed, much less one that would be interested in me. But that was only the beginning of the brokenness deep inside my heart.

Having a relationship with a human doesn't give life meaning. NO. It doesn't.

It can help bring you happiness, sure, but a true happiness...true JOY doesn't come from being married.
True JOY that surpasses understanding, true joy that continues through hard times and good times, only comes from one place. It comes from Heaven and His Name is Jesus Christ.

I rejoice because I have learned the secret to abundant life. I have been adopted into the family of God. I am His child and what a privilege it is.

I want you to know that you need to stop trying. You need to stop running, stop searching, stop seeking the empty things that this world gives you. The world's "wisdom" says that you can be all you want to be, never give up on your dreams, do whatever it takes to reach your goal to make money and see everything there is to see in this world. And while those things are not bad in themselves, the motivation behind them is to build yourself up and get what YOU want out of life. But I am telling you, that is NOT what life is all about. Those things, the striving to get what you want and do what you want will only leave you empty in the end.
It may seem like your life is fine without Christ but I assure you, if you turn from Him and go your own way, you will end up broken and empty eventually. It may take longer than others but it will happen. So please don't ignore God. He is there, watching and waiting. Always.

All you have to do is ask Him to forgive you for running away, ask Him to forgive you for trying to live life your way and that you want Him to take over your heart, to make you new, and to give you a new life with new desires. He is faithful and will forgive you and give you eternal life with Him.

There is nothing else in this life that will bring you true joy and nothing else that can promise eternal life.
There is ONE way, not multiple ways. One path, not multiple paths. ONE truth, not multiple truths. Don't believe the lie that says "if it's true for you then it's true for you and will lead you to a good afterlife."
How can there be many truths? If I looked at the car you drive and said that it's not a car, it's a truck would I not be telling a lie? It's clearly a car. (Unless, of course you do drive a truck then it would be true, but hopefully you get the point.) If I looked at a white person and told you that they were black because my truth says they are black not white, that wouldn't make any sense, would it? It's the same with a belief system. Not everything can be true.

There is only one truth and that truth is Jesus Christ. There is only one place to find true meaning and that is in His arms of love, grace, and kindness.

From the depths of the love in my heart,

Brit

"I thought that I was able, but my lamp's under the table

With my face against the corner I've forgotten

All the steps You laid before me, how You brought me from

A dead sea, now amidst my hesitation I've forgotten

I can run far from You but my thirst would never die....

Finally I've found my peace I have nothing left to prove

Cause trusting You in everything is all that I can do.

I am nothing, without You inside of me, Jesus I'm nothing

Without You I'm incomplete so I need You now, need You always."