Greetings.
If you are following along with me during this thing called life, you may remember that the 22nd of each month is significant for me.
The 22nd of October represents the day that I committed myself to one year of singleness with the Lord. On August 22, I celebrated 10 months of singleness.
I had planned on writing a post on that day but never got a chance to which, as it turns out, I needed to have a conversation about what was going on in my heart instead.
However, I would like to write out a little bit about what I was reflecting upon that day and the process I went through in a 24 hour period. Perhaps I want to write about it just in order to remember that day and to have this post to look back on in a few years.
First of all, it has come to my attention that most people in my life have been single most, if not all of their lives. Which is great because they've been protected from so many painful things that I know comes with being in unhealthy relationships. So to most people the whole year of singleness thing....well they don't truly understand how huge it is for me. For many others, being single is something that has not only been easy for them but they don't want to be single. Because of that there have been few people that I can talk to that truly understand the significance of this. Don't get me wrong, they celebrate with me, and encourage me, but many still don't really understand the depth of the commitment and why it's such a big deal.
I admit, if any of you know me, I have been getting to know someone on a friendship level but I know there were questions about whether or not there was something more going on. So I'd like to briefly address that situation and just say that nothing more than getting to know someone as a friend with the potential for more has been going on. To a lot of people that means that you still spend time alone with one another and may or may not be involved physically. But that isn't at all the case in my life. This person and I have discussed things, invited others in for counsel, and kept strict boundaries on every area of life.
I bring this up partially to protect the vow of singleness between God and I, and also so no more questions or assumptions are made concerning my life. Not only that, I also want to encourage anyone that has been questioning me, etc. to talk to me directly. I tend to be a very open and honest person and am not trying to hide anything from anyone. Believe me, I've tried that kind of life and it's way too much work. If anyone wants to know anything, ask.
Moving on, so on August 22, I started the day with joy and excitement about what God is doing currently and what else He is going to do in the future.
Then, as I started to reflect on the person I used to be and what He has done in my life, I got very emotional and cried. I can't stress enough how different it is for me to be single, and contently single at that. If you've been reading any of these posts or if you know me at all, you'll know that my life was always one relationship after another. When I was broken up with, I just found someone else, whether it was via the internet or some other way. I see this pattern SO often in our world now which breaks my heart, but I won't get into that right now.
Anyway, as I started to remember what I used to be and what God has done in me in 10 months....I couldn't help but cry and thank Him. There are so many things in my heart that can't even be put into words. Realizations of His protection and His faithfulness. The knowledge that He was with me during every broken time in my life and when I was deliberately sinning against Him. When I pushed Him in the corner and went my own way....and all the while He was waiting for me to reach out to Him and call Him back into my life. That's the thing about God, He doesn't force His way into our lives, He gives us a choice. We can either push Him away and live our own way which ends in loneliness, misery, shame, and destruction. Or we can surrender to Him and allow His love to fill our souls with joy, peace, fulfillment and life. He waits for us to invite Him in. I was always afraid to, afraid He couldn't love me after all that I had done. I was afraid that He wouldn't be enough, that if I wasn't in an earthly relationship, I would feel lonely and unloved.
What an incredibly huge lie I believed.
These last 10 months haven't been easy but they have been the most alive that I have ever felt.
The healing God has brought me is almost indescribable. He has teaching me what real love is. He is showing me that real love is sacrifice and when both people are willing to sacrifice, to lay down one's life and be willing to choose to stay even when times are hard, that's when true love shines through.
You see, love isn't a fuzzy feeling, it's not when your heart jumps when you think of someone. Love, true love, proves itself when you are broken and shattered, when times are hard, you have nothing to give, and you feel like running away but you don't, and they don't. And you walk through the storm together, leaning on the Lord together.
I never really understood what love meant, I thought that when someone told me that they loved me then that was love. But in reality those words meant, "I'll keep you around if you're exactly how I want you to be and if you give me what I want. Otherwise I'm moving on to someone else." And I had the same attitude. I grew so used to that type of view on love that I assumed that that's what human love was. I want to believe that I thought about God differently but I know this thinking had an effect on my view of God as well.
Now, though, since all the awesome things that God has done, I can celebrate with such joy knowing I never have to go back to that. The old me is dead. Christ has made me new.
I only have 2 months left in this vow and I know God can and will do mighty things and I am so excited!
In the future, I am sure that I will go into a lot more detail about this whole process and I hope and pray that God will use it to touch the lives of others and help someone through a difficult season of life.
I praise my Father in Heaven for all the wonderful things He has done!
If you are following along with me during this thing called life, you may remember that the 22nd of each month is significant for me.
The 22nd of October represents the day that I committed myself to one year of singleness with the Lord. On August 22, I celebrated 10 months of singleness.
I had planned on writing a post on that day but never got a chance to which, as it turns out, I needed to have a conversation about what was going on in my heart instead.
However, I would like to write out a little bit about what I was reflecting upon that day and the process I went through in a 24 hour period. Perhaps I want to write about it just in order to remember that day and to have this post to look back on in a few years.
First of all, it has come to my attention that most people in my life have been single most, if not all of their lives. Which is great because they've been protected from so many painful things that I know comes with being in unhealthy relationships. So to most people the whole year of singleness thing....well they don't truly understand how huge it is for me. For many others, being single is something that has not only been easy for them but they don't want to be single. Because of that there have been few people that I can talk to that truly understand the significance of this. Don't get me wrong, they celebrate with me, and encourage me, but many still don't really understand the depth of the commitment and why it's such a big deal.
I admit, if any of you know me, I have been getting to know someone on a friendship level but I know there were questions about whether or not there was something more going on. So I'd like to briefly address that situation and just say that nothing more than getting to know someone as a friend with the potential for more has been going on. To a lot of people that means that you still spend time alone with one another and may or may not be involved physically. But that isn't at all the case in my life. This person and I have discussed things, invited others in for counsel, and kept strict boundaries on every area of life.
I bring this up partially to protect the vow of singleness between God and I, and also so no more questions or assumptions are made concerning my life. Not only that, I also want to encourage anyone that has been questioning me, etc. to talk to me directly. I tend to be a very open and honest person and am not trying to hide anything from anyone. Believe me, I've tried that kind of life and it's way too much work. If anyone wants to know anything, ask.
Moving on, so on August 22, I started the day with joy and excitement about what God is doing currently and what else He is going to do in the future.
Then, as I started to reflect on the person I used to be and what He has done in my life, I got very emotional and cried. I can't stress enough how different it is for me to be single, and contently single at that. If you've been reading any of these posts or if you know me at all, you'll know that my life was always one relationship after another. When I was broken up with, I just found someone else, whether it was via the internet or some other way. I see this pattern SO often in our world now which breaks my heart, but I won't get into that right now.
Anyway, as I started to remember what I used to be and what God has done in me in 10 months....I couldn't help but cry and thank Him. There are so many things in my heart that can't even be put into words. Realizations of His protection and His faithfulness. The knowledge that He was with me during every broken time in my life and when I was deliberately sinning against Him. When I pushed Him in the corner and went my own way....and all the while He was waiting for me to reach out to Him and call Him back into my life. That's the thing about God, He doesn't force His way into our lives, He gives us a choice. We can either push Him away and live our own way which ends in loneliness, misery, shame, and destruction. Or we can surrender to Him and allow His love to fill our souls with joy, peace, fulfillment and life. He waits for us to invite Him in. I was always afraid to, afraid He couldn't love me after all that I had done. I was afraid that He wouldn't be enough, that if I wasn't in an earthly relationship, I would feel lonely and unloved.
What an incredibly huge lie I believed.
These last 10 months haven't been easy but they have been the most alive that I have ever felt.
The healing God has brought me is almost indescribable. He has teaching me what real love is. He is showing me that real love is sacrifice and when both people are willing to sacrifice, to lay down one's life and be willing to choose to stay even when times are hard, that's when true love shines through.
You see, love isn't a fuzzy feeling, it's not when your heart jumps when you think of someone. Love, true love, proves itself when you are broken and shattered, when times are hard, you have nothing to give, and you feel like running away but you don't, and they don't. And you walk through the storm together, leaning on the Lord together.
I never really understood what love meant, I thought that when someone told me that they loved me then that was love. But in reality those words meant, "I'll keep you around if you're exactly how I want you to be and if you give me what I want. Otherwise I'm moving on to someone else." And I had the same attitude. I grew so used to that type of view on love that I assumed that that's what human love was. I want to believe that I thought about God differently but I know this thinking had an effect on my view of God as well.
Now, though, since all the awesome things that God has done, I can celebrate with such joy knowing I never have to go back to that. The old me is dead. Christ has made me new.
I only have 2 months left in this vow and I know God can and will do mighty things and I am so excited!
In the future, I am sure that I will go into a lot more detail about this whole process and I hope and pray that God will use it to touch the lives of others and help someone through a difficult season of life.
I praise my Father in Heaven for all the wonderful things He has done!
"I am learning to run freely understanding just how He sees me and it makes me love Him more and more."
Brit
I know this hasn't been an easy decision or 10 months for you, but I am so proud of you, your heart, and dedication to our LORD! I know He will bless you!!
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