I thank my Lord and Savior for this life.
In the past, Christmas's were very difficult for me. I'm sure I'm not alone, I KNOW I'm not alone in this. So much of the time holidays are associated with spending time with loved ones. Typically holidays make a single person feel all alone. As you know, I'm single. Yes, I have family and friends but at 26, I don't have a husband or kids to enjoy Christmas morning with.
I can remember the feeling of loneliness I have felt during Christmas's in the past but just like most other things in my life at this point, this year is different. God has done great things for me, so many great things. I am so amazed at the fulfillment He has poured out on me in all aspects of life. I can't put into words right now everything He has done, if I tried I would be writing until next Christmas. But because of all He has done, I desire nothing more than to pour my entire being into Him. It is only because of Him that I have so much peace and joy inside my heart. The realization of how much I have failed to find such a peace in the past leaves me ashamed because I should have known better. But, even though, as I've stated before I grew up in a Christian home, that didn't mean I truly gave my all to Jesus. I thought I was "good" with God, oh, I said the prayer, prayed sometimes, went to church, sang the songs, took notes in my bible, listened to Christian music (most of the time), but then come Friday night, I was out at the bar sipping something I shouldn't have been. Behaving in ways I shouldn't have been and seeking attention that, in the end, left me feeling empty.
I wondered why I was still alone, why God didn't bring me someone to spend Christmas morning with yet. Looking back I completely realize, if I had gotten married to any of the people I spent time with...well..let's just say I'm glad I didn't settle for anyone.
God didn't and hasn't yet brought me my future husband because I am not yet ready for him. He is not yet ready for me.
Clearly, in the past, I was trying to do things on my own, seeking the wrong things, doing things that God did not want me to do because He knew it would only leave me empty and ashamed. He doesn't want us to feel lonely, depressed, or broken. He loves us too much for that, He came as a little baby to die so we no longer had to be ensnared in such ugly things.
Our world thinks God wants to restrict us from having fun and enjoying life but that just isn't true. God knows that the things the world tells us are "fun" and bring "enjoyment" actually leave us feeling hurt and confused.
I think about times when I wanted to indulge in much alcohol, I usually was feeling somewhat sad about something or perhaps in a happy mood and thought drinking would just make my mood more happy. I can admit that for a time it seemed to, but in the morning, after I realized how I behaved while under the influence, I was embarrassed and ashamed. In my sober mind, I probably wouldn't have chosen to do such things.
My point is in all of this (because I can tell many many stories) is that I am not lonesome during Christmas this year. My soul knows its worth and I am abounding in joy because of what my King and Savior, Jesus has done for me.
Every day, I know will be a new adventure that God has planned and that is exciting to me!
Merry Christmas Eve.
May your hearts be filled with the endless joy and love that ONLY Christ can give.
-Brit
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