I know it's been a while since I last posted, and you know that I usually post only when I'm down in the dumps. Sadly, I admit that when I'm sad is the only time I like to write.
I went through old poems recently and it's amazing how I can remember my exact emotions when writing, I can also remember where I was and of course who the poem was about. They are mostly about my most recent past love.
For some reason, when I'm feeling sad I remember him, which only makes me more sad. I often look back on past relationships and wonder what it was that I did wrong. I know I'm not supposed to live in the past but I have serious issues.
I really do find it hard to commit because I always convince myself I'm not good enough. I know I've posted about this before but I'm feeling this way, yet again.
There is a really great guy in my life right now, but I can't help but fear it's not going to work out and I am sick and tired of things not working out.
This is why I just run away from it completely. It always seems like the best solution....
There are knots in my stomach and I just want to cry.
My thoughts drift to you again, knowing all that's left is pain.
My feet constantly stumbling on the words you say.
I tell myself you're a liar.
Is is really possible you're any different?
No, those are impossible thoughts.
I've been just as naive in the past, only to be beaten down.
My heart is forever in pieces, knowing I will never find him.
Destined for loneliness, this much I know.
It is easier to walk away.
You'll find someone else and I will be left in the rain.
Missing the times I thought we could be something real,
Knowing deep down, I'm not close to being worth it.
You were all I wanted but I will never be enough.
